Church bulletin:
I recently had opportunity to minister three messages at a sister church on the subject of marriage. From the same passages I also made application for people who are not married. I sometimes feel that so much attention is given to marriage and family life that single people are overlooked. It seems to be almost assumed that everyone is married or will be married when there are in fact many singles in churches. Here are some observations drawn from scripture and conversations with single people.
There are advantageous to being single. 1 Cor 7:7, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself” – single. We assume that Paul had been married but by the time of his apostleship he no longer was. The reason for this assumption is that Pharisees had to be married. Perhaps his wife died, or she left him. Whatever the background, Paul saw his single status as advantageous – he goes on to explain in vv32-35 that single people are not incumbered with the cares and responsibilities that married people are. Singles, therefore, have greater liberty in certain ways to serve the Lord. Whether we are married or single, we must all be concerned to use our gifts, recourses, time, energy for the glory of God. Single people should consider how they are using their singleness to advantage.
Most singles are not single by choice. Some Christians choose to be single for the reason just mentioned. I watched an interview with a man in his mid-twenties who had chosen such a lifestyle on Biblical grounds. From what I can gauge, however, this is the exception not the rule. The singles that I know, as far as I am aware, would prefer to be married. This is recognised by the apostle. While explaining the benefits of singleness he acknowledges most will want to be married because it is God’s blessing and implemented for our good. Human beings were created for companionship and companionship reaches its climax in marital relations (Gen 2:18). It is rare for someone not to desire intimacy with the opposite sex – “it is better to marry than burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:2, 5, 10). Intimacy is more than just physical it is also emotional and for Christians there is a spiritual dimension. Choosing to be single is perfectly fine, but for most singles it is not a choice.
Singleness is generally a difficult providence. 1 Cor 7:7, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.” Some people take this to mean that singleness is a gift in the same way that marriage is a gift. I respectfully reject that interpretation. Singleness is no more a gift than disability. If singleness is a gift, why don’t we pray for young people to remain single and enjoy the gift of God? The root of the word translated as “gift” means to be granted favour. It could be translated as help or deliverance. I believe the meaning is this – single people will know divine favour as in help and deliverance, so they are not swallowed up in sorrow, loneliness, passion, etc. This is to say that singleness is a difficult providence. Unfulfilled desire is not easy to live with. While singles must find joy and contentment in the Lord, for most the pain of the thorn will remain (2 Cor 12:8-9). Every Christian will experience providential thorns and need the grace of God to cope, for some it is the thorn of being single.
Companionship is vital for all. Married people need companions outside the marriage, but in a healthy marriage there is companionship within. Singles do not have that blessing. Those who are married should be mindful to pray for single brethren, reach out to them, and show care in how they relate. Married people can overlook the challenges of singleness and lack sensitivity. Single people must use their circumstances to advantage. They must remember that marriage doesn’t satisfy every need and brings with it its own challenges.
Whatever our state, may we live for the glory and enjoyment of God.